The End Start of an Old New Direction

LOL...yea I know. The title makes NO sense at all...but I promise by the time you are done reading it...you will know exactly what it means.



*DEEP SIGH* Today..my nerves have kicked in for the first time about the changes that are about to take place in my life because of the issues that have arisen with my physical health. Fibromyalgia is a very difficult disease to live with. Many have spent years believing that the chronic pain associated with the disease are made up by the sufferers of it....now...even though there are many who still have issue with it, many are now enlightened regarding the disease and it's nature because of the years of research and pharmacological advancements that have taken place to help those of us who suffer from the disease to better deal with it. For those of you who have little to no idea about the natire of this disease, I will give you some oversight/insight and a link to a website that will be able to enlighten you further.



First...Fibromyalgia has two major components: Chronic Pain and Chronic and Excessive Fatigue. Unfortunately, I suffer from the more drastic form of both. To get an idea of the pain that we feel here is what you would need to do. It is called an empathy exercise. You know the old wooden cloths pins that out parents and grandparents used to hang the laundry in the back yard with..get three of them. Clip them all on one finger and let it sit for 30 minutes then...you will know the pain that we live with daily...24/7. As far as the fatigue....there is no real empathy exercise. But I will simply say this....there are days that I can't...not don't want to...but literally can't get out of my bed because I am SO weak and exhausted. The combination of those two things have made life very difficult for me. However, even in that..I PRAISE GOD! Because..no matter how bad it is...it could always be worse and no matterhow manybad days I have, a good one is around the corner. Through yet another medical issue, I have learned not to take the gifts of God for granted...because no matter how simple the ability there is NOTHING in the world like having it!

So now..here we are....Now...at exactly 5:04pm EST. I am officially retired. Four minutes....over the last four minutes, the last 18 years of my life have been "erased" and I have no idea what my future holds. I open my eyes and look at the road ahead of me and I see.....clouds. I'm not sure....hmph. Interesting.

I fear very few things and there is not much that moves me drastically in one direction or another where emotional response is concerned. But this....in four minutes, I have come up with more questions about my future than i believe I have asked all year. Is this an ending, or beginning...or both...hell...is it neither? Is it something that just ...is?

I am speechless. It is not often that I have no advice to give. No pearl of wisdom to offer....but now, that is exactly where I am. In a big empty room. I don't see anything, and I don't know if anything sees me.

I know that God knows what He is doing. He always have...this is just one of those occasions that I wish I knew too. But, I am going to try not to strees and worry about it and practice what I preach...Follow after God....He knows where He is going and where He is taking me..so just let Him drive.

I will keep you posted....this will be an interesting journey to say the VERY least!

SMOOCHES

The Ex-Doctor....Turning out the light and Locking the door to this office one last time.