In this mirror, What do YOU see?

Greetings to you ALL!,

Today I decided that I was going to ponder some of the things that I see in the world. In the people that I love, like and don't even know.

I sat around this morning just thinking about some of the people in my life and the manner of thinking with which they go through life and some of the things that we say and do one to another.

Through the course of my life, one thing that I have learned and I learned quickly is that more often than not words hurt much more and cut deeper than any physical hit ever could. Why do I bring that up? Well....that is very easy to answer...I thought about some very specific times in my life and some of the things that patients have said in sessions over the years. One thing most of us have in common...while we may have forgiven the person for saying the things that they have said but the wounds that their words left are still very much as painful as they were when they were first spoken.

Relationships...ANY KIND of relationship is based on a couple of fundamental things: trust, communication, understanding, and the ability to say I am sorry. I'm sorry...I apologize, I was wrong...that statement no matter how you word it is one of the hardest things for people to say.

There are many examples that I can give that would fully illustrate what I mean and I will give you a couple. Tell me what you think...

Example #1: When my son and Aunt passed away, I had a longtime friend tell me that I was selfish because I turned inward rather than outward to deal with my grief. I have granted forgiveness but I have never forgotten the callousness and the coldness with which she spoke. After all of the years that we have been friends, I never would have expected to hear something like that from her. When she suffered the death of someone in her life, I was right at her side, when she needed space to deal with things, I let her know that I was always still there, gave her the space she needed and embraced her when she was ready to talk or whatever. (In this scenario, I was really hurt..never angry and for a couple reasons...1 being that after all that we had been through since our college days, that she could say that to me, 2 being that even once it was discussed, she never even bothered to apologize to me, 3 being that until you have suffered the loss of a child...much less two in a year you have no idea what kind of pain that lays on you.)

I think that the first one has enough angles to it that I don't even need to give another one. Many of us do not have the kind of relationships with others that we think we would want to have because of the way we treat others, because of the attitude of "I am accomplished so I am better than you", or "I have a title so I am better" or I make more money" or I am married/have a mate so I am better" that we so readily display to others that they really don't want anything...or very little to do with us.

Humility is a quality that few of us have...and it seems to me, the more "status" or stuff that we have, the less humility we have. That stuff that we get pushes good qualities out of our lives, and it is so unfortunate that the only person who doesn't recognize the fact that there is an issue there is the one we see in the mirror everyday.

I am a firm believer in the fact that we should be able to talk to the people closest to us and say what needs to be said. I also believe that there is a WAY...a method through which we can say some of the more difficult things that need to be said without being callous, cold, selfish, careless or in a nonchalant manner. "Keeping it real" does not mean that we have to be nasty to one another. The truth (or strong opinion) can be given honestly...AND tactfully.

What is your opinion regarding the example given and the topic overall...and what do you see in this mirror....

A Time for Thanks.....

Good Evening,

Now we are approaching a time for us to review our lives and give thanks. Another year of life has nearly passed and right now...if you are reading this, you have been blessed to be here...blessed to see it. So in this post, let us take time out of our busy lives and give thanks for the things that we have been blessed to have this year. At the same time, let us remember those who are not so fortunate as we are.

These are just a few of the things that I am thankful for:

1) First and Foremost I am thankful for the gift of salvation and forgiveness that was granted to
me, through the death, burial and Resurrection of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!

2) I am thankful for the lives of lost loved ones. I am thankful for the lessons that their lives
taught me and others who were privileged to know them, to have been a part of their lives.
For having been blessed and fortunate enough to have had them in mine.

3) I am thankful for my children who are still with me. I am grateful for their unconditional
love...for their spirit of love and support and survival. I am grateful for everyday that God
grants me with them.

4) I am thankful for two WONDERFUL parents and two AWESOME God-Parents! The wisdom
that I get from them is incomparable. I am thankful that even though we have been through
alot this year, we have overcome! We have drawn closer and wiser from the experiences.

5) I am thankful for my best friend, C.J., Even though we live hundreds of miles apart, there have been so many days that I know I could not have gotten through without you. You have been a strength to me that I have desperately needed...and for that...I love you!

6) I am thankful for a place to live, a car to drive, a means to eat, ALL of the basics necessities
of life that we all to often take for granted.

There are MANY more things that I am thankful to have (Like you!) and I am sure that throughout the rest of my life, I will have many more things to be thankful for.

In essence, I can honestly say, I am just thankful to be wise enough to KNOW that I have much to be thankful for! What about you?

The End Start of an Old New Direction

LOL...yea I know. The title makes NO sense at all...but I promise by the time you are done reading it...you will know exactly what it means.



*DEEP SIGH* Today..my nerves have kicked in for the first time about the changes that are about to take place in my life because of the issues that have arisen with my physical health. Fibromyalgia is a very difficult disease to live with. Many have spent years believing that the chronic pain associated with the disease are made up by the sufferers of it....now...even though there are many who still have issue with it, many are now enlightened regarding the disease and it's nature because of the years of research and pharmacological advancements that have taken place to help those of us who suffer from the disease to better deal with it. For those of you who have little to no idea about the natire of this disease, I will give you some oversight/insight and a link to a website that will be able to enlighten you further.



First...Fibromyalgia has two major components: Chronic Pain and Chronic and Excessive Fatigue. Unfortunately, I suffer from the more drastic form of both. To get an idea of the pain that we feel here is what you would need to do. It is called an empathy exercise. You know the old wooden cloths pins that out parents and grandparents used to hang the laundry in the back yard with..get three of them. Clip them all on one finger and let it sit for 30 minutes then...you will know the pain that we live with daily...24/7. As far as the fatigue....there is no real empathy exercise. But I will simply say this....there are days that I can't...not don't want to...but literally can't get out of my bed because I am SO weak and exhausted. The combination of those two things have made life very difficult for me. However, even in that..I PRAISE GOD! Because..no matter how bad it is...it could always be worse and no matterhow manybad days I have, a good one is around the corner. Through yet another medical issue, I have learned not to take the gifts of God for granted...because no matter how simple the ability there is NOTHING in the world like having it!

So now..here we are....Now...at exactly 5:04pm EST. I am officially retired. Four minutes....over the last four minutes, the last 18 years of my life have been "erased" and I have no idea what my future holds. I open my eyes and look at the road ahead of me and I see.....clouds. I'm not sure....hmph. Interesting.

I fear very few things and there is not much that moves me drastically in one direction or another where emotional response is concerned. But this....in four minutes, I have come up with more questions about my future than i believe I have asked all year. Is this an ending, or beginning...or both...hell...is it neither? Is it something that just ...is?

I am speechless. It is not often that I have no advice to give. No pearl of wisdom to offer....but now, that is exactly where I am. In a big empty room. I don't see anything, and I don't know if anything sees me.

I know that God knows what He is doing. He always have...this is just one of those occasions that I wish I knew too. But, I am going to try not to strees and worry about it and practice what I preach...Follow after God....He knows where He is going and where He is taking me..so just let Him drive.

I will keep you posted....this will be an interesting journey to say the VERY least!

SMOOCHES

The Ex-Doctor....Turning out the light and Locking the door to this office one last time.

Along the Road.....

Greetings readers and fellow bloggers....





Before I get into this blog let me first say that it is based on some things that are happening in my circle. The names of the people involved have been changed just in case someone they know reads it. If they choose to make known that it is them, that is on them. Know that several major details will be "left out" or "slightly slanted", but not to the point that you are unable to reach an ideal about it or have the ability to offer advice if that is your bag...or my request at the end.



So...here we go!



Group number one: A male friend of mine recently (two months ago) ended his relationship with his ex. However, because he was the one who did all of the caring for the ex and her kids her financial status is "tight". He has moved into his own place and is now dating someone else. But there is a great deal of strain on their relationship beause the ex is so manipulative that he is kind of caught between the world he left and the one he is trying to build. There are many details that complicate the issue, but basically that is the problem. He would never allow his new woman's ex to cloud things or make them more complicated for her and his relationship. He seems to have a crystal clear view on how things should work concerning the relationship should work with respects to their current relationship, but not on how those same potential issues are causing problems and great tension on their current relationship. What solutions would you recommend?



Group two: This next one is really just a question. What would you do...how would you handle issues that strain the relationship of you and someone that you love? (Not love as in a dating situation, but more of a familial one. A parent and child...husband and wife that are astrainged, siblings or any relationship of that type.)

The NEW dream......

CONGRATS PRESIDENT~ELECT OBAMA, FIRST LADY MICHELLE OBAMA AND OUR NEW FIRST PRINCESSES, MALIA AND SASCHA OBAMA on being the FIRST African American family in the history of this country to lead this country from the highest office in the land!

By now, we all know that Senator Barak Obama is now known as President-Elect Obama! History....WOW....what a tremendous moment for this country. Yes, African Americans have an identifyably deeper reason for this time to be as special as it is. BUT it IS a milestone for this country as a whole.

DREAM REALIZED is a phrase that has come to the forefront of the minds and tongues of people all over the GLOBE, not just here in the United States. Images of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. have flooded the visual airways again....portions from his historic "I Have A Dream" speech have begun to flood auditory mediums and flow off of the tongues of many that you otherwise never would have known to have stored in their mental capacity any of the words. On that historic night (11/4/08) I heard young and old men and women pointing to heaven and yelling "We got you Martin!"

I look back on the morning that I arrived at my polling place. Five am in the morning, the line was already about an hour long and we had two hours until the polls even opened. I saw senior citizens with their chairs and bundled up in their coats and covered with blankets. I saw men helping women and women helping other women helping younger women who had come to vote with the children that they had to bring with them. I saw blacks helping whites the abled helping the disabled, I saw that language was not a barrier to friendship and age was no barrier to support....I saw that LOVE really can be universal and the we as a people CAN obliviate "n***er" type behaviors and mentalities from existance. As I look back, I recall having the very distinct feeling of pride in my people and for the most part, in people as a whole. The unity, determination and support that was shown on this past election day is such that rivals the days of the civil rights movement.

BUT (of course there is a 'but'.....lol), here is the REAL challenge...now, we have gotten our candidate into the White House and we have gotten to the day that our people proved that we are able to rise above any stereotypes and century old stigmatisms...for one day...for one cause. What happens now? What happens when the glitz and excitement of having elected the first minority President in our country's history? Do we as a people have what it takes to maximize on that hope, on that strength and drive that was displayed all over this great country of ours on election day? I think that we do! The communal leaders of this country have a remarkable opportunity here. The chance to lead the charge at restoring levels of pride in our communities and in ourselves that seems to have been lost...in a dream that seemingly had faded. Not only is there a remarkable opportunity but an extraordinary responsibility to rise to the call of excellence, the call of simply rising above..of taking the action of the Pheonix and rise out of the ashes of communal and individual loathing that had plagued us as a people over the past 40 immediate years. We have the opportunity here to say YES WE CAN...not just to a President, but to a mother, a father, a husband and/or wife, a son, a daughter, a friend, an enemy....the person that we see everyday when we step in front of our mirror.

Now, we are able to say YES WE DID! The new call is will we be able to say YES WE DID to our families, communities and individual dreams one, two or three years from now.....??

We have made the DREAM true, NOW, we must make sure that our more intimate dreams do NOT become Dreams Deferred......

Aunt Brenda, Today I Cherish YOU!

Good evening everyone....

In case you didn't know, this is the 3 month anniversary of the death of my Aunt B. I have had an incredibly difficult time dealing with her death today. I have been sitting in my office all day and I know I have had to fight off tears three or four times and I also had no choice but to let them flow a couple of times too. As I stated in my previous post, I have entered a stage of thought and rededication of myself to life.

But today....today that is rather difficult. I love and miss my Aunt more than anyone can ever know. She was much more than my Aunt...she served as my mom for many years and she was my friend. My friend. I look at the video that was made for us to show at her funeral (THANK YOU VAYDA AND LISA) and I can't help but cry...I have such fond memories of her and of times that we spent together, but at the same time, my heart is heavy with guilt...guilt over the fact that I moved away from home 7 months before she passed. I was there for her last twoo weeks of life and I was blessed to be able to hold her hand and sing to her as all of our family and friends stood around her bed (about 12 of us all together) ushering her into the presence of the Lord. I am really glad that I was able to be there...if I hadn't been able to look at her and tell her that I love her I don't know where I would be right now.

As I believe I also mentioned before, I lost a child just about two weeks before my Aunt and his memory is forever constantly etched in my mind and on my heart. My feelings regarding his death are such that I have little to no words to express them...plus this post is for my Aunt..so I will not even get into my son.

Even though it has been three months...whenever I see her face..on the video or in a picture, I still just find it unbelievable. I can't believe that she is gone. That in this life, I will never lay eyes on her again, I can't pick up the phone and call her. I can't go to the house and blast the radio while we dance around the room like children while singing Let's Stay Together by Al Green at the VERY top of our lungs! I'll never get to go over ther again and hug her with all of the love that my heart can muster and hear her tell me that she loves me and get to say it back to her. Never again do I get to look her in the eyes and hear her promise me that she was going to fight even as the life force from her body began to move out.

But I'll NEVER forget those things or the days that she would come by my house and we woud sit up until the wee hours of the morning laughing and talking. I'll never forget the days that she would cook a ton of food and have my siblings and I come and get it. I will never forget her bright and beautiful smile and her hearty and fulfilled laugh. I will never forget that she loved me nor that I love her.

SO! I say this to you Auntie, and pray that wherever you are, I hope you can hear me!

Auntie, my heart aches at every single thought of you being gone from me. I am so happy that I got the chance to hold your hand and sing the songs that you love as you transitioned from this life into rest from a painful 8 year battle with the beast called Breast Cancer. It hurts like HELL to miss you...I'm angry...at myself for not spending that last 7 months with you, I'm angry that you are gone. I know that God knows what He is doing..and I don't question that at all. I never would have wanted you to continue to suffer in the tremendous pain that I watched you suffer in. I LOVE YOU AUNTIE! I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH and I miss you like crazy! One day, I will see you again and I am gonna hold you as tight as I can because then, I will never have to let you go....Heaven has been made even more beautiful by the fact that you are now a permenant resident of it! *Though I'm missing you...i'll find a way to get through...living without you.....

*wiping tears....................................................*

A New Perspective; The beginning of the journey....

Good Afternoon All,

First, again excuse my absence from this site. Much has transpired in my life and I have to say that I have learned a great deal about the person that I am and have been over the course of my life in these last few weeks.

So...let us start a new journey together....

Isn't it amazing how many of the things that we face on a daily basis play such a large role is molding and shaping our character and our view of life? I know that there are many who say that there is no way that one can go to bed one person and wake up another. I beg to differ...now..of course not in a literal sense but certainly on a more abstract plane of thought.

Take death for instance. Regardless of what one may believe happens to their body, spirits or souls when they have ceased to exist in the realm in which we currently stand, one thing is universal. After walking through this life for whatever time was allowed us by God, it is guaranteed to come to an end one day. How do we face that? Do we stand and face it head on, do we hit the ground running towards it with a recklessness that would rival foolishness, Do we run and hide from it because of the crippling fear that the unknown can have on us or do we simply view it as a transitional phase of life?

In recent months, that is something that I have begun to explore. What is death to me? How do I feel about it and why do I feel what I feel? And most importantly...am I prepared to meet the Angel of Death with a smile knowing that I have lived my life fully, knowing that I have fulfilled the purpose that was handed to me when I left the classroom of heaven to complete on my internship on earth? Have I ever really experienced what the true nature of success is or the heights of exhilaration that true love will elevate me to? Or have I only arrived at this point in my life to look back over the days that have passed to discover that I have aimlessly wondered through my life in substantial denial of what paths I am supposed to have journeyed?

Why is death the base on which this journey has begun.....

That's easy enough to answer. It is one of two primary experiences that we all have in common and it is the one experience to which there are just as many views and fear of as their are people who have to experience it. I am a Christian woman and was raised in a Christian home. My siblings and I have always been raised to believe that death is not something that we have to fear because God will be there to take us into the afterlife with Him after this life is terminated. We are taught to see death as a transitional experience, a beginning rather than an end. That death is the purifier that will allow us to find rest and relief from the pains and stresses of this life. The fact of the matter is this....more of fear death than do not. Why? Because it represents the ultimate unknown. None of us actually knows what happens after we exhale our last breath and our body is nothing more than an empty shell. YES! We have things that we hope happen to our souls, and we know the things that we have read and things that we have been told; but none of us has had the experience of true death (not near death experiences) where we would actually be able to say what goes on in the afterlife days, months or years after the cessation of mortality.

This blog is only the beginning of my journey...follow along with me as I walk hand in hand with God to see just what He has for me.

Just a preview of what you can look forward to: I will delve into the relationships in my life (not just dating.), I will go through a series of deep and internal investigations to determine what some of my own faults are and how those things play a part in who I am today.

This is your personal invitation to see where this path ends...or begins with me!